{"id":2006,"date":"2012-12-24T18:24:21","date_gmt":"2012-12-24T17:24:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/?p=2006"},"modified":"2012-12-24T18:24:21","modified_gmt":"2012-12-24T17:24:21","slug":"a-vegetarians-nightmare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/2012\/12\/a-vegetarians-nightmare\/","title":{"rendered":"A vegetarian&#8217;s nightmare"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" alt=\"\" src=\"http:\/\/www.bluebison.net\/sketchbook\/2010\/1210\/christmas-turkey.png\" width=\"420\" height=\"394\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">&#8216;Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the house, many creatures were stirring &#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Carols from Kings in the kitchen compete with Prince Caspian in the sitting room, distracting me as I write at the dining room table. My computer keys rattle and Black Dog sneaks in, her claws tip-tapping on the stone flags. She settles at my feet. Granny&#8217;s soprano voice warbles from the kitchen. &#8220;Peace on earth, and mercy mild &#8230;&#8221; She stops as Mum asks her a question about moussaka. &#8220;Well, I always used to do it this way &#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">There&#8217;s a muffled whistle from the road outside. Someone from the village walks past, dogs galore galumphing at her heels. The rain&#8217;s stopped temporarily, but there&#8217;s more predicted for this evening. I hear Dad and Jim discussing how best to get to Rob and Leila&#8217;s house for Christmas lunch tomorrow. Here&#8217;s hoping Rob will have managed to fit the turkey into their oven. At least they&#8217;re only 10 minutes down the road: if the turkey has to be cooked here then it can still be in the right place for lunch long before it goes cold.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">I sat in the kitchen attempting a Very Difficult Sudoku this morning as Mum and Rob dealt with the turkey. It arrived from the farm like a victim of a BDSM session gone bad, its head covered by a plastic bag and all its feathers pulled out. The indignities weren&#8217;t yet finished, though. Mum and Rob sliced through skin and twisted at tendons for an hour and a half until all that was left was a giant, meat-covered ribcage, stuffed with orange and onions, slathered with butter and wrapped in muslin. Mum and Rob stepped back, flushed in the face and beaming at a job well done.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">My Sudoku attempt, however, had failed horribly.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">However you&#8217;re celebrating, I hope you have a good day tomorrow: <a title=\"'Twas the night before Christmas\" href=\"http:\/\/www.poetryfoundation.org\/poem\/171924\">Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.<\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<div class=\"linkwithin_hook\" id=\"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/2012\/12\/a-vegetarians-nightmare\/\"><\/div><script>\n<!-- \/\/LinkWithinCodeStart\nvar linkwithin_site_id = 1290977;\nvar linkwithin_div_class = \"linkwithin_hook\";\n\/\/LinkWithinCodeEnd -->\n<\/script>\n<script src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/widget.js\"><\/script>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/pixel.png\" alt=\"Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...\" style=\"border: 0\" \/><\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8216;Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the house, many creatures were stirring &#8230; Carols from Kings in the kitchen compete with Prince Caspian in the sitting room, distracting me as I write at the dining room table. My &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/2012\/12\/a-vegetarians-nightmare\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<script>\n<!-- \/\/LinkWithinCodeStart\nvar linkwithin_site_id = 1290977;\nvar linkwithin_div_class = \"linkwithin_hook\";\n\/\/LinkWithinCodeEnd -->\n<\/script>\n<script src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/widget.js\"><\/script>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.linkwithin.com\/pixel.png\" alt=\"Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...\" style=\"border: 0\" \/><\/a>","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[36,116],"tags":[574,541,575],"class_list":["post-2006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-food","category-life","tag-christmas","tag-somerset","tag-turkey"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2006","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2006"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2006\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}