{"id":30,"date":"2010-01-26T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-01-26T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/?p=30"},"modified":"2011-04-01T12:25:11","modified_gmt":"2011-04-01T10:25:11","slug":"hear-no-evil","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.katebailward.com\/drivinglikeamaniac\/2010\/01\/hear-no-evil\/","title":{"rendered":"Hear no evil"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>(image by Carbon_NYC<\/a> on Flickr)<\/span><\/p>\n

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\nIn an ideal world, every teacher would write their own materials, tailored precisely to each class\u2019 needs. \u00a0This is what I was trained to do at college, and I look back fondly on some of the lessons I taught there \u2013 indeed, I\u2019ve reused a couple of them (with a few tweaks) with different classes both at summer school and here in Italy. \u00a0Making a lesson from scratch that really works is the most amazing feeling and I only wish I had the time to do it for each class. \u00a0Sadly, it\u2019s just not realistic. \u00a0When I was training, I taught one 40-minute lesson every other day, and would spend all night planning. \u00a0Literally all night. \u00a0Bedtime was very often at about 4am or later. \u00a0I now teach ten 90-minute classes, two 60-minute classes and four 60-minute individual lessons, over the course of four days. \u00a0I also have a three-hour class once a week with the PON group. \u00a0On Mondays and Wednesdays (my busiest days) I teach straight through from 2.45 to 9pm. \u00a0 That\u2019s a lot of lessons to plan, with, proportionately, not much time to plan them. \u00a0Teachers are only paid according to time spent in class (their \u2018contact hours\u2019), and even then the pay is pretty pitiful. \u00a0My wages, when converted into sterling, equate to about half the monthly wage I got for my first part-time job in London, in 1997. \u00a0Still, on the bright side, when I was an actor I\u2019d often work for absolutely nothing, so it\u2019s a definite step up from that. \u00a0Besides, as I have no social life here, it’s not like I actually need any money. \u00a0Don’t tell my boss that, though.<\/span>
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\nThankfully for the sake of my sanity and sleep patterns, each of my private classes is assigned a specific coursebook to work from. Students are given two books: the student book and the workbook, plus CDs of listening exercises, and a CD ROM of extra material. \u00a0I also have in my sticky mitts the teacher\u2019s book, which gives basic lesson plans and a way of working through the student\u2019s book in class. \u00a0I usually fairly much ignore the teacher\u2019s book, as I find it much more interesting to supplement the lessons with material from other books, as well as exercises of my own (if I\u2019ve had time to think them up). \u00a0I do, however, use it for inspiration when I\u2019m short of time, and there are sometimes some real gems of ideas in there for extra exercises.<\/span>
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\nSadly, coursebooks can also be desperately uninspiring, and some of the themes of the chapters so far removed from the language point as to be almost completely useless. \u00a0The prospect of teaching modal verbs to a group of adults with a chapter that focused completely on whiney teenage problems (\u2018everyone tells us what to do \u2013 it\u2019s so unfair!\u2019) was particularly horrifying, and I decided it was a far better idea to write my own lessons instead. \u00a0Ultimately, coursebooks are often a good guide, but can rarely be followed slavishly, as every single class is different.<\/span>
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\nOne of the their big advantages, however, is that the materials are all there, ready to use. \u00a0They\u2019re particularly valuable for listening exercises, which help to train students\u2019 ears into listening for specific information. \u00a0Sites like ELLLO<\/a> are brilliant, but it\u2019s hugely time-consuming trying to source just the right clip, then download it to CD, and write questions based on that clip. \u00a0I tend, therefore, to stick to the coursebook for this type of exercise. <\/span>
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\nThe other day I was doing a lesson on books and reading. \u00a0I\u2019ll be honest: I was finding the subject matter a lot more interesting than the students were. \u00a0Philistines. \u00a0That\u2019s by the by, however. \u00a0One of the exercises in the book involved them listening to a CD of an unknown situation, supposedly described in a fictional book, and deciding what was happening. \u00a0When planning the lesson I\u2019d flicked through the written part of the exercise, but hadn\u2019t listened to the CD. \u00a0Usually this isn\u2019t a problem in the slightest, as the materials have been designed by the Cambridge Board specifically to go with the book. \u00a0Brilliant. \u00a0I therefore explained the exercise to the students, searched for the relevant track and pressed play.<\/span>
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\nOh. My. God. <\/span>
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\nThe situation is a gunman on the run both from the police and from Kelly, the plucky heroine of the fictional book. \u00a0There is no dialogue on the CD, just sound effects. \u00a0Of a man heavy breathing. \u00a0And gasping. \u00a0And then heavy breathing some more. \u00a0And groaning. \u00a0By this time, the students are all unsuccessfully stifling giggles. \u00a0I just about manage to hold it together until I hear a sound effect of a woman shrieking, at which point both the class and I become absolutely helpless with laughter. \u00a0It was like listening to a particularly bad porn soundtrack, although thankfully without the bom-chicka-WAH-wah guitars in the background. <\/span>
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\nOnce we\u2019ve picked ourselves up off the floor and composed ourselves a bit, the students come up with some good suggestions for what might *actually* have been happening in the story, and we carry on with the lesson. \u00a0The grammar point for the lesson is might\/could have been. \u00a0I attempt to elicit the TL (\u2018Target Language\u2019 \u2013 yes, teachers have buzzwords too) by telling them a story about how I had phoned my parents the night before, but they hadn\u2019t answered the phone. \u00a0I then ask the question: \u2018Why do you think they didn\u2019t answer?\u2019 in the hopes that I will get a response using the words, \u2018They might have been \u2026\u2019 \u00a0However, given the listening exercise from earlier, and the fact that I\u2019m working with teenagers, there is only one conclusion that these kids are going to come to. \u00a0Once again the class falls about with laughter. \u00a0I am left standing at the front of the class half-laughing and half-repulsed, desperately trying to wipe the mental images of my parents shagging from my mind. <\/span>
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\nI think there might be a moral here somewhere.<\/span>
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